Disappointment, Knowledge, Hope

Two years ago I realized and have continued to realize that I wasn't surrounded by friends as I had thought. That because I was the life of the party, the one that threw the killer parties, that was why there were these people. But when I really needed them, when for a piece of time my world was falling apart, they were gone and I became aware that I was for the most part alone... well in the friendship department. The only thing that kept me a float were the few good people I still knew in the world. Whether I saw them regularly or only once in awhile, they made me believe that there has to be good. I was and partially still am disappointed by the people that were in my life. Some people that I even kept holding on to for longer than I should have. But without those good people, there would be no point. No matter where I am with impatience, disappointment, or heartbreak, I have to have the thought that some where along the line it'll be good because who could truly live with nothing. I struggle now to see the good in some people and in some people there genuine goodness blows me away. I just hope with desperately needing to believe in good, that I myself am good. And that's all that I can try for and hope I do ok.